Confident Joy

     If you are anything like me difficulty, pain, and even torment are something that seems to weigh us down. Like a small child carrying a large backpack, knowing it is too much to carry but not ready to let it go. It seems like from the time I was born challenges and heartache seemed to follow me. It took many years and what feels like a million tears before becoming comfortable with the feeling of joy. I had moments of happiness, but it was always short-lived. Happiness and peace were a gift that felt like they would fall through my fingertips. I believed that the difficult things I went through were somehow my fault and that maybe I did not deserve happiness. I would experience short periods of happiness, but I would find myself in a place where I would wait in anticipation for the next situation where pain would strike like an arrow. Have you ever experienced joy but were too scared to enjoy it because you knew it would soon be ripped away? That was me, I would experience joy but never became confident in its presence.

    Many roads can lead to the same destination but choosing the road you take can be challenging. I would say the same thing about life. Every day we have what may seem like a million choices. Big choices and small choices, but each choice may impact where we find ourselves. When we are facing a storm we have to decide how to face the storm. Do we face the storm with a feeling of defeat or lead with thoughts of victory? Because of my relationship and faith in Jesus, I know where I look for help.

     When I was younger I went to church with my father but never lived with him since the age of two. I would hear the story of Jesus but could not fully comprehend his love. I was missing those feelings of security and protection a daughter should feel from her father so it made it that much harder to accept the love that Jesus has for me. My heart wanted to experience love and joy but the pain I was carrying was holding my heart hostage. If you find yourself being held hostage by hurt and pain from the past, I encourage you to forgive and become confident in joy.